-=Careoticalov's · tales=-

NEW JOURNAL FINALLY C_Lovicious

ADD IT pLEASE but i still might use this one someday? so don't delete it please?

i'll try to transfer/add everyone to it but time is an issue...

xoxolove

I was just watching those cops on patrol type shows where you watch these criminals attempt to commit crimes but go horribly wrong and funny but i thought why is society and media like this? We watch a program that shows criminals getting caught, and we're basically in favour of the 'good guys' side, but I even noticed in myself thinking ' poor kids he just wanted to outrun the 5-0' and sell they stolen cars for a buck'. Media gives us both perspectives of the cops and the robbers. In movies like fast and the furious where people are racing cars and hijacking them,or just where the main character happens to be a jewel theif or something.. we side with them then.. I just think it's stupid not blaming anyone just it's stupid in general that we're on both sides of it and we can be easily manipulated in decisions.. but when illegal activity is so glorified how the fuck aren't we like that.. dispite morals of knowing you woulnd't want your car stolen so you wouldn't steal someone elses... it's just like the government not wanting to build more homeless shelters because it supports a drug addicted bums way of living, but they'll be happy to supply the country with the heroine.

awjeeeslaweeze....

******Lastnight i dreamt about this female. this creature. She had this hugeee massive nurse hat on, the kind from the ollllldeeen times that had two big points but this was a big spirally point thing,as if to show her high rank of some kind. She had huge fangs and lonnng blonde hair and horns..a blood stained mouth.. her large bosom emphasised her female power and how she bore no shame in her sex by showing a lot of cleavage(and i've been looking at a lot of chests lately)... her monstrous being inside was raw, her urge to ravage and tear in bloody spurts, and feast upon a weakers flesh-very evident. Her eyes were very girly like cat eye shaped but glowing and sort of like the eyes of a dragon. she had a human body but was incredibly sturdy looking and i don't know about the skin if it had fur or scales or what it was pretty human looking but inhuman at the same time.. She was walking around this hospital and the way someone looks at you when their talking to you face to face, you can't see yourself, but you see them just stare, she did that.. but from far down the room of the hospital and she was standing by a door and pacing a little.

I don't know what it means.. but the other night in part of my dreams i was eating broken pieces of a cd, breaking it up and eating it to dispose of it and then i ate glass. I told bob the rest of the dream.. it was pretty stupid but that part really made me curious.

it's snowing yay! I had the most insane dream about ellen degeneres and i was on a reality tv show for her trying to find a life partner.. and it was this big publicity event that had all these people come that weren't there for her in that way but to promote their marching band or singing lmao and we all played dodgeball in my old elementary school gym....and then there was this part about me being another girl, and i knew cause i looked completely different and i had purple and urine coloured hair and i was tall and runnning around trying to havea shower but i had a child that was about five and it was my friends little sister and she kept turning into a unicorn.
tyesha kelsy was there?! and i was in her bathroom which existed in the ellen mansion and i ate her easter candy....

ewwww i just reread that and not the kind your thinking of filthy people. like chocolate eggs.

WHere the fuck is my mind..

so the second semester of school begins on febuary 5th. I think I might go...

decisions decisions decisonsdmnfak325q2klvc l gawd...

i wanted desperately to go to banff.. then i didn't then i did then i didn't then i did...
Too much insanity with bob and me to go, i feel it wouldn't be a good decision at all because it just doesn't feel right, plus the stuff between him and i, plus i have the maturity to know i'm a baby. The whole point was to go out and grow up, but i guess i should take steps here first-
it's not about safety, well it is to some degree but it's about happiness and dynamics and becoming independent on my own not "trying to act like im married".

omfgankjsk4aw5 bread + becel+ honey = mouth wateringly divine.

HAHA WOW WHAT A WEEEEEEEEEK GLAD I GOT TO SEE JAY AGAIN THOUGH EVEN IF IT WAS THE MOST INSANE THING EVER... life is crazy and just different acts all coming together to make one big crazy movie or whatever the fuck your life consists of.

i need to get out of my own ass for a while like out of my buisness and life and mind and go into someone elses or go see things in the world that will make me relize none of this matters, even if i was the most crazy person i know who gives a shyte and just live and breath and exist and be.

i hope he can get the tickets refunded oh shitt..

i thought i was never going to want to see bob again... and i didn't for a while but craziness is past i jsut know we need some spaceage but tomorrow is the anti-anniversary so who knows what we'll get up to.

Freedom in the time of being your own prison guard.

I want part of my head shaved again i miss the softness of it.

omfffffffffg i thought i deleted this entire entry by mistake but it saved draft yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay thank you i hate that with a lot of passion. some guy online is trying to get me to call him :s bewareeeeee

i don;t likeeee thewayi am gawwwwwwwwwwwwd.

i wanna make stuff thats on Deviant Art. fuck some of it is so incredibly fucking amazing it blows my skulll.

At night deep in the mountains,
I sit in meditation
The affairs of men
Never reach here;
Everything is quiet and empty
All the incense
Has been swallowed up
By the endless night.
My robe has become
A garment of dew.
Unable to sleep
I walk out into the woods-
Suddenly,
Above the highest peak,
The full moon appears.

- Ryokan Taigu (1758-1831)

What Divinity do you worship? Your Result: You worship KINDNESS Kindness is one of the two Divinities born from the Forgiving Angel, and was wrought from her death by Life. Kindness, Cruelty's twin, was given to Life and Death to rear, but she learned that it is the finality of Death and the uncertainty of Life which gives man reason to bestow gentle feelings upon one another. She learned that knowing nothing of pain and sorrow--to forget--is the greatest gift to give. She is loving and caring, but filled with sorrow. Her appearance is that of a young woman, dressed in blue, white, or red, and with a warm aura of the same color surrounding her. Those in her presence feel refreshed and confident. Those who believe in Kindness find the world a cold, hurtful place that damages all within. Their overriding passion is to aid those who suffer. They are compassionate beyond even those who believe in Death, and as self-sacrificing as could be. As such, they often are casualties of other's aggressions. All believers of Kindness are pacifists and devoutly so, but they will not shy away from combat, seeing the need to make peace or at least defend those they care for. If it is the only way to protect those they love, however, violence can become an option. But only in the direst need. Given sufficient trauma, however, followers of Kindness will sometimes convert to followers of Cruelty, and it is not unheard of for believers in cruelty to intentionally convert their counterparts. Those gifted by Cruelty and Kindness align with either Chaos or Order, as they choose, as their Divinities care not.
You worship KNOWLEDGE
You worship DEATH
You worship FATE
You worship LIFE
You worship INSPIRATION
You worship WAR
You worship CRUELTY
What Divinity do you worship? Make Your Own Quiz

Dear Journal, I sHALL CALL YOU Esidora.
Lately Esidora my life's been slightly more interesting. The last day I went to school was last friday because unfortuneately I broke my hand. HAH What a rather intensely dramatic way too. Punching a friggin' locker...I was just freaking out so bad and I prefer anger to tears...anyway that was the worst day of my life so far..my math 10 foundations class, the hospital staff lmao random ppl all seeing me cry hahaha pms and feeling overwhelmed to the extreme and the docter thoight he hurt me what a joke he was anyway...didn't even put on my splint right or try to freeze the hand like they did at QEII.
After the long ass wait w/ dad and bob up there,with the eccentric man who was staring at dads lower body says dad and trembled when he made bob touch his nipple and speggetti burned on skin graft scars...finally i got in...it was bizarre having my hand be mushed about but not really feeling it. The eccentric Mr.Doyle kissed my head when he left:)
So I quit school...well stopped going. I FEEL SO FRIGGIN'free and de stressed but i will miss the prom and march break quebec trip and friends:/
I plan on going back next year or going to write my ged in community college or there's adult highschool...
The plans now are to go to Banff. Bob and I and make money workin in the hotels/living there? or maybe just for a little while... who knows we only will when we get out there. So i'm selling weed to save money and it's been goin pretty well...we've been smoking a little like everyday but i think i decided to quit cause it makes me feel like a dirtbag, and i fibd when we're around ppl i dislike it...some ppl i can't believe how much(excuse vularity esidora) shit pours out of some ppl's mouths. I'M aware everyone talks about ppl but i nevver wanna be the kind of person who sits there and tries to make someone feel bad, or says certain things and wants them to seem like they have hidden meanings ( usually of the hurtful or assholish nature). J ust people...we equal shit. Not always but that to me does,... i just wanted to feel care free and go into my own little world last night..like i do usually but it's like people need stress or drama or rude jokes to surive...

I wish he would get that I don't wish to talk about bsghsgs1457hdgf with him.
it's a sore topic for obvious reasons AND alllllllllll there is between us is frckin' drama i can't even talk to him without us getting into a fight i just see him too much i think... and really there doesn't seem like theirs anything left right now but maybe that will change. He loves pressure...to put it on me i feel like, even though he would disagree.I think him and her should get married...they'd be almost perfect for eachother in a creepy way.I dislike that i'm always there and always unwanted maybe next time i won't be there.Saves a silly live journal rant? haha.. Lifes just about more to me then alliances/betrayal/friendship/mistrust issues/how many backs got you/etc. theres such beauty in everything when your being strangled and suffocated by hands you love, it's best to beee alonnneee....wolves run in pacts but are often alone. I love wolves...i'm gonna go look them up right now.Ithinkshewants him more than i do.

I really missed missy cause she's such a hippy:) YAY TOMORROW I GET TO SEE HERRR...wee

i feel like i'm on the right path i just need a little more planning and knowledge of course money to get to my destination...

I'm gonna miss so many lovlies if we do get the means to go to the mountains...nothings certain yet but what ever is i suppose?

peace and love
care.iee

פ*°·.·´¯`·»•°Ç×£ØV«-(¯`v´¯)-« says:
how can one describe the horny sensations? all over body tingles.. weakness.. pelvis pulse increases body produces lubercation... saliva glands begin to water and ready thy mouth for the fun that awaits.

happy birthday carrie. sketched out.hungry. horny(and i can't do anything about it).show tonight. soon to be wasted.

punk fuckin' rock.
xox

METRIC SHOW TONIGHT AT THE FORUM!!!!!! WHOOOOOOOOOOOOT. sandra her sister erin and josiah are coming with us and were finally going to bomb it up agian,well Bob and I.

I'm not at school today cause i feel sick.

How desperately I want to swallow it and not spit it out(shut up you perves out there)....I wish I didn't have to resort to these things that I've been doing but I know myself and when an obsession is in there it's really fucking in there. I need satisfaction...I don't wanna see disgust.

Yesterday in drama WhitneyUpshaw did this awesom drum performance for her audition, and then she read a poem she wrote about her dad...I couldn't handle it and cried.. I had to run to the bathroom I was bawling so bad..
I remembered when it happened and how badly I felt for her then.. how I still do, and yea I guess it was like crying for her? I'm soo over sensitive. Pms and overtiredness might of had soemthing to do with it but jees... I was still crying when bob picked me up and we hung out with sandra and hannah at that playground by the school lol.

Does anyone have any old girly magazines they no longer want, they could donate to me?

SQUAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

Someone called from garlands crossing today and told me about a babysitting position she might use me for next weeek..... but she has to check with some other girl but it looks good for me cause the girl only wanted to babysit for one day or something? awww yeaaa... i'd have to get up really early and it's a long day from about 7 30 or earlier am to 6 pm sometime... but shit monehhhs....$20 bucks a day for 4 days daaamn i'm down. she's calling back tonight to confirm stufff:)

grad party was last night and amber talked me and bob into goin it was pretty aiight.. loooots of ppl lots lots lots. i'm glad we went anyway, Cortnees party tonight fuckkkk yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah i gotta go make my dress.

man i dreamt this fuct stuff where it was like home alone and these guys were trying to kill me and break into my house and then my deceased cat isaboo was there and i kept staring into his eyes cause in real life yesterday i was looking at his picture forever and picturing him as human, and then in the dream isaboo turned into a huge dog and i had to kill him. I was crying and i couldn't and i had to get some ppl from some school to do it,... there was way more fucked dreams about ppl from my past and it creeped me out .... i hate so much when i came home from the grad thats why... i had "cooler" munchies and i felt sick so i figured the more food i ate the better i would feel lol.

i passed everything on my report card besides math which i knew of and got a final mark of 5.I got really shitty marks and i wasn't too happy...with myself.70 in history and i thought i should have got a lot higher but i think my absenteeism fucked that up same with soc. which i did lots of work in but i got a fucking 56! Hudson gave me a 75 and i did the worst in his class... like nooo work at all but he's my dream boat and is the best.

I got nooo sleep last night and this morning i was so anxious and i guess i need some beta blockers or something. Dad went to his sleep specialist cause he has sleep apnea and it means he could die in his sleep, the doctor said he stops breathing 74 times in the night cause he rigged himself up to this machine which calculates snoring and times u stop breathing etc....and just last night i was telling him how he falls asleep on the couch every night and stops breathing and then his snoring tries to wake him up. So he needs some $2000 breathing machine luckily blue cross pays for shit!

oh dear journal, i am really glad bob and i are better.. for a bit i thought "that problem" was gonna be the death of us... but we turned the conflict into a resolved and excellent matter....
we seem to be handeling it alot more understandingly and open which was needed.

All is well in carebear town for now:)

whoo im excited for tonight and the fireworks tomorrow!
♥